i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
