idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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