Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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