38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
