I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize