my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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