$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
