I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
