Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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