At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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