Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
