she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
