we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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