Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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