Hey man sorry I got all grabby
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize