I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
