I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
