i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
