What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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