remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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