My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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