I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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