Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
