Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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