do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
