I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
