you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
