Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
