His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize