Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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