I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
