I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
