Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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