Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize