you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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