Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
