To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
