sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
