You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
