Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
