oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
