I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
