Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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