He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
