Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
