I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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