Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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