This is not my ceiling
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
