I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
