so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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