I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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