I hope my margaritas pass through security.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
