I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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