They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
