At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
