If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
