fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
