Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
