Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
