i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm always down for nudity.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
