Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think my vagina is haunted
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
